Psychological needs: Everyone has four basic psychological needs.
These are the need to be valued, to be in control, the need for self esteem or self worth, and lastly the need for consistency or stability.
Internal conflict, conflict within yourself, reflects the difference between what you really feel and what you are able or choose to do about it.
Interpersonal conflict occurs between you and another person when what they do or say is different to what you feel and vice-versa.
(1. The need to be valued or appreciated by others is a basic psychological requirement
You want others to recognize your worth and appreciate your contributions.
You are more motivated when your contributions are recognized.
When you feel unappreciated, taken advantage of, or taken for granted your need to be appreciated and valued has been violated and this can trigger a response of fear, anger or frequently both.
(2. The need to be in control
Being in control is important for everyone, but more for some than others.
The more insecure you feel about yourself, the more controlling you may become.
On the other hand, if you feel secure and confident about yourself, then your need to control others will reduce.
Whenever you have to deal with an over controlling person remember their need to control comes from their insecurity.
Make them feel secure and their need to control will normally reduce.
(3. The need for self esteem and self worth
By this I mean you should appreciate yourself and look to your strengths rather than any weakness (we all have both).
A strong self esteem gives you a powerful, solid base for dealing with all types of problems and situations.
With a strong self esteem, you have the ability to positively respond or react to any type of situation, rather than reacting negatively by panicking or avoiding the potential conflict.
We all crave a need to be respected and to have self-esteem.
Sometimes referred to as belonging need, esteem presents the typical human desire to be acknowledged and valued by our peers.
People from all walks of life need to engage themselves to obtain recognition and partake in an activity or activities that assign the individual a sense of contribution, to feel accepted and self-valued, whether it is a hobby or a profession.
If there happens to be any sort of imbalances at this level, this can manifest in an inferiority complex or low self esteem.
People who suffer with low self-esteem need respect from others.
They may seek daily reaffirmation or fame, which again depends on others.
A note of caution, many people with low self-esteem will not all of a sudden, be able to improve their view of themselves simply by receiving fame, respect, and glory externally.
They must first accept themselves internally.
People inflicted with psychological imbalances such as depression can also prevent one from obtaining self-esteem on both levels.
On the whole, people have a need for a stable self-respect and self-esteem.
There are two levels to this, namely, a lower and an upper level.
The lower level is the need for the respect of others, the need for status, recognition, fame, prestige, and attention.
The higher one is the need for self-respect, the need for strength, competence, mastery, self-confidence, independence and freedom.
The latter one ranks higher because it rests more on inner competence won through experience.
Deprivation of these needs can lead to an inferiority complex, weakness and helplessness.
(4. The need to be consistent
You need to know what is likely to happen in any given situation.
You need consistency from family, partners, friends, everyone in your life otherwise you are always anxious about the unexpected.
This is not to say that no-one can change their minds but someone who changes opinions or reacts differently to the same situation brings a level of insecurity in to your life and you never know how to react.
The reason some people feel the need to change comes from their insecurity.
They are insecure in themselves so they try to fit in with others all the time and will agree with whoever they feel is the most dominant personality.
Whenever any of these needs are not met, conflicts, internal, external or both, are produced and people usually react in one of four ways.
They can retaliate, dominate, isolate, or cooperate.
Retaliation and domination can result in extreme violence.
Isolation separates the parties but does not resolve the conflict whereas with cooperation one party allows their feelings to be ignored and accepts the opinion of another over their own.
If you are aware of these basic needs and reactions you will begin to understand how and why you and others react the way you do.
Considering these needs, understanding them and acting upon them will make you a more complete and therefore a more confident person and will give you strength at times of conflict.